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Fall is my favorite time of year, and that's in no small part to the wonderful invention that is "The Hoodie". It's 10% cotton and 90% pure intellectual sex, it's wearable mojo.
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Every time two or more girls make sweet lesbian love, a kitty gets into heaven. It's true!
Friday is a special holiday, and the comic will reflect thusly. If you're not familiar with Friday's holiday, I'll give you a hint: It has to do with Mother's Day, but it is not Mother's Day. Well obviously.
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When you break it off with someone, whether it be a relationship, or just a fuck-buddyism, the feelings of rejection will often produce an angry backlash.
A backlash in the form of insults and why they've always hated you. Except that, they went out with you. So in a sense, you can look at it as doing them a favor. They should thank you for breaking it off.
Yeah, I know I haven't done many comics lately. I've been super busy. I've been more backed up than Jimmy Dean's colon. I'll try to do a bit better, I promise.
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Anyone who knows me, and indeed anyone who's read my comics knows I'm a bit of a fan of Steve Jobs. He's so smart, and handsome, and vegan. *Swoon*
Steve Jobs recently underwent surgery to remove cancer, and I was worried about my Stevie. The prognosis is good, so my spirits are high.
I hope you get well soon Steve, so we can gallivant around Europe in your Gulf Stream V!
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When a relationship is over, no matter who initiated the actual breakup, men tend to have a rather unrealistic expectation in the behavior of their ex-girlfriend.
I call this the "Nun Syndrome".
No matter how man girls we hook up with after the breakup, hearing of just one romantic tryst can both upset and anger us.
That slut! That harlot!
I suspect women are somewhat similar with men, although the psychological factors are different. For men, it's about ego. For women... well I don't know what it's about for the.
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If there's one thing I dislike, it's a contrived camera or web camera pose.
It's funny to watch those who champion the virtues of deep thinking and intellectual discourse when they appear to spend more time trying to look like they are deep and intellectual rather than actually practicing their mantra.
The phenomenom is documented pretty well by this guy. My favorite line is "my lamentable plight".
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Even in the future, sometimes words are mistaken for other words, especially by the intrepid and horny crew of the USS Enterprise.
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I can't say for certain what I would do in such a situation. It'd be a tough call.
Oh come on, like you wouldn't at least give it serious consideration.
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One thing I never got is when men convince their new girlfriends to not do porn anymore. I've seen this happen on a number of occasions, having spent a great deal of time with pornographers.
It comes from a deep-seated insecurity in men; the more people oggling their girl, the greater the chance that someone better will come along and steal away their girl.
It's similar to when a guy won't let a girl leave the house dressed like a ho.
I never had that particular insecurity (although I'm plauged by a whole host of others), and I quite enjoy dating porn girls. The more nakedness the better, I say.
And if you want to go out to diner with me while dressed like a ho, then that's OK, too.
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Oral sex, and cumming on the face in general, can be a very exciting way to finish off an office supply closet quicky. Of course, there are risks...
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Here's more on how I would totally abuse technology in the future. Snoop Dogg and Star Trek. Till the next episode.
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Despite all the excitement of the new iPhone, I've got a new target of my stalking energy; a miss Katee Sackhoff, better known as Captain Kara "Starbuck" Thrace.
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You see it in message boards, blogs, craig’s list, Nerve personals – just about anywhere on the Internet that’s co-ed. Girls looking for LTR (that’s long-term relationship), and guy’s offering up “no strings attached” oral.
It’s like a dog selling a cat a bone on the merits of the fine gnawing experience. It just doesn’t have any appeal to the target.
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Sure, she looks hot. She does all sorts of kinky stuff, but in the morning, you check under your hood and find out you've got glitter. Too many young men and women in this country are waking up to find they have the latest in STDs, glitter. It's like crabs, once you get it, it's hard to shake. Even if you sit in a pool for hours, it's still on you. It will creep up when you least expect it: On your pillow, on your shirt, on your balls.
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There's a type of person that I shall refer to as a "Mighty Morphin' Genre Chameleon". You know the type I'm talking about; they pick up a new genre -- and everything that comes with it -- at the drop of a hat. Sometimes it's to make others like them, sometimes (as in the case illustrated), it's to make a particular guy like them.
In mistakes of my past, I've done this before. I've tried to be something different so that people would like me more. This is, and always has been, a fools game.
Not too sound too "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darnit people like me", but being yourself is the best way to go. Not everyone's gonna dig ya, and maybe even a good number of people will dislike you. But the ones that dig what you're into, those relationship will be of a much higher quality, and much more rewarding.
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Sure, laugh it up. Call me crazy. Meanwhile, our nubile and horny women are being exported faster than David Hasselhauf.
Think about it. Do you know any women from the ages of 18 to 26 who hasn't waxed poetic about the wonders of Canada? Or at least mentioned at least a passing fancy to move there?
Dudes, we're in fucking trouble.
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I've talked about player haters, and how they utterly plague your 18th favorite comic strip author. Well there are also slut-haters. Both girls and guys that aren't down with sexually strong women. Guys hate them because of their strong sexual personna. Women hate them because they fuck their boyfriends better than they can.
Part of the anti-slut rhetoric I hear is that sluts are disease-ful. I have to disagree. Most of the sexually strong women I know are extremely careful. It's girls that put way too much trust in a boyfriend that is either abusive or that they hardly know that is the danger.
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People often ask me why I date bisexual women. I look at them like they've just asked me the stupidest question on the fucking planet. It's because they have asked me the stupidest question on the fucking planet. The advantages are obvious.
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If I don't get laid, the terrorists have already won. I'm sure you've heard that one before, ladies, but this time, it's true.
I tend not to make fun of the right in the context of being in the left, because well, it's the Bob Saggat of this realm. It's easy, it's guaranteed to offend nobody worth offending, and well, it's easy. So I choose to make fun of my own kind, and usually myself, instead. That's lots more fun.
But this one, I couldn't resist. So alert level "Aching" folks, and pass me them Wang Fries, er French, er, Freedom Fries.
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Here are a few gratuitous shots of the Enterprise. You know, for the ladies. A few "money" shots, if you will.
Anyway, the Enterprise is not a sex toy. I learned that lesson the hard way.
Oh, and ladies... I drew the Enterprise completely from memory. No references or pictures. I can arrange an in-person demonstration, at your convienence...
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I felt so relieved when I broke it off with her. All that drama with that guy who was campaigning against me, all the freakouts she had, all the rumors, innuendos, and lost friends.
Luckily, I had distractions to take my mind off things. This is actually about the time when this happened. (Yes, it's a true story.)
Also, a girl showing up at my apartment really did happen, and she came in lingerie during her lunch break (under her clothes) and she brought me a couple of carbonated raspberry drinks, which tasted just like cosmopolitans. That was an incredible gesture.
Oh, this comic was all about M and E's friendship. E dropped M like a bad habit the moment she got what she always wanted: A boyfriend.
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Here is a subject very near and dear to my heart: Buttsex. I'm talking the great act of love known as anal sex.
It's a wonderful act, one that can bring a greater bond between man and woman (or man and man, or woman and woman [with appropriate tools]).
Unfortunately, too many women are scarred from the experience because of a boy that didn't know what the fuck he was doing. If you decide you want to buttsex your lady, you can't just spring it on them. You can't be like "suprise!". That's a no no.
As with any aspect of a relationship, it requires communication. Talk to you lady, hoochie, or slut about this carefully, and plan ahead. Lot's of lube, lots of Barry White, and lots of luck.
Peace out.
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So maybe you found that G-spot, maybe that new vibrator did the trick, or more likely, she's fantasizing about the entire Manchester rugby team, but either way, she's thrashing about like a wild-woman.
Orgasm? Or seizure? I never quite know how to deal with that situatoin. Do you stop and check her vitals? Call 911? Those are probably the safe things to do, but it can get embarassing, not to mention a mood killer, if you go into medical emergency mode every time she pops one off.
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In the summer time, NYC can be very distracting...
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I'm in Seattle right now, and earlier today I went to the IMax theater to see the new Matrix movie. It was better than the second, but there was an aspect about the last two that got me troubled. I was getting boners over... programs? I know I'm a geek and all, but DAYOM.
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Ladies, here is another example of encouraging bad behavior. Many a man has been led astray on his path to booty by women who falsely encourage behavior that will never, ever, ever, get us laid.
"Oh, that's really neat," or "Oh my, that's really sexy," when it is in fact not so, only encourages to continue that booty-less behavior.
I know you're just trying to be nice. You see us in our pathetic attempts, and you can't bring yourself to tell us the truth. But while your efforts to save our dignity is admirable, it's really doing more harm than good. Instead of going back to the drawing board, we continue on that path, that path of dorkness (and I'm not talking about the sexy dorkness that I exude), that ends up in the sticky pages of a Victoria Secret catalog.
Just to show my dork roots, I'm sure anyone with an intimate knowledge of Star Trek will realize that both my depictions of the Enterprise (1701, post-refit and pre-blownup) is entirely accurate, as are the statements made regarding the Mutara Nebula, and the USS Reliant.
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They exist as horrific experiments by the Canadian government: Hockey Ninjas. On a somewhat regular basis, a Canadian hockey player will sustain an unique type of head-wound, where a puck will damage and even penetrate the frontal lobe of the brain. This renders the hockey player very susceptible to suggestion, while at the same time retaining their motor skills.
They are trained in a secret government military base, just outside of Toronto. They receive their Ninja skills, such as hockey stick killing, and throwing of a Canadian star. It's somewhat like a Chinese star, but it's in the shape of a maple leaf. An evil fucking maple leaf.
Some say that the bright red Canadian Mounty-inspired uniform gives them an unstealthy disadvantage, but as the legend goes, if you see the blood-red uniforms... it's already too fucking late.
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Mmm, porn.
I'm experimenting with this new-fangled web-friendly 4-panel comic format. Since the web is usually longer than it is wide (just like me), it makes a bit more sense. But we'll see.
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I'm taking a break from the Canadian Adventures to give you some safe sex tips. To help prevent babies and wang/twat rot (STDs), I've compiled a few methods for you all. Remember, the only safe sex is masturbation, and only then when not using a cheese-grater.
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This is actually a true story, as hard as it is to believe. I actually do have a pair of honest to gosh lesbians living with me right now. You see, they're wayward. Wayward lesbians. It just roles nicely off the tongue (pardon the pun).
Thus far, they've done many lesbionic things. They've replaced my bathroom sink, painted my walls, and of course had lots of sex in my bed (sending many kittens to heaven in the process).
Hate me yet?
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